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‘Close the Door Behind You’ is an exploration of my experience living and working predominantly out of one room (my bedroom) during my time at university. This narrative is communicated through a series of posters from my metaphorical bedroom wall. They represent significant themes and events from the last 3 years. In this way they begin to build an alternative type of portrait; a personal story told through a seemingly innocuous form of ephemera that has adorned almost every bedroom wall.
THE INSTALLATION:
THE POSTERS:
"My Head Opened"
These posters reference significant memories and themes from my time at university. I haven’t thought back to, or properly digested, a lot of these things until now. Collating all of these experiences into one narrative is a first for me and it does feel like ‘spilling’ the contents of my head into a project.
"I Went to Art School and All I Got Was Worried"
When I began higher art education I started experiencing extended periods of feeling constantly anxious. At the time this work was made, when the last few months of access to facilities, studios, a physical hand in and, most regrettably, the degree show that I had been working towards, had all been withdrawn due to Covid19, it was easy to feel that the worry is ‘all’ I’ve come out with.
“And THAT’S Show Business Baby!”
For the majority of my life I have had issues sleeping and this became much more pronounced over the last 3 years. When I was spending long, sleepless, periods alone in my room cups of coffee gave structure to my day. They also left me overcaffeinated and exacerbated the anxiety and disconnect from reality that my lack of sleep was causing. This poster uses that routine to represent the monotony of spending day after day in the same room, doing the same things.
"Mushy"
When I moved to Leeds I experienced a number of alienating and difficult experiences while dating. This combined with the upheaval of moving out of the house I had grown up in and leaving my job to move to University trigged a subconscious numbing of my emotions as a defence. During first year I didn’t ‘feel’ much unless I’d had a drink, when I allowed myself to privately be ‘mushy’.
"Thank God For My Hot Water Bottle"
I have had debilitating painful periods that leave me bed-bound for days every month for at least 9 years. I also often have related pain throughout the month. Co-codamol and my hot water bottle are the most effective forms of pain relief I have, the hot water bottle being the only one out of the two that I can use on a daily basis.
"Mash and Onion Rings"
During a module in first year, I was in a particularly dysfunctional work & sleep schedule, working all day and sleeping for only 2hrs most nights to allow myself time to do the usual day to day tasks and spend time decompressing for the rest of the night. During this time the oven in my accommodation was broken so we could only cook on the hob, thus this ‘meal’ was born. To me, this meal communicates the slightly delirious and almost humorous ‘logic’ with which I was operating with at the time.
"Love Like Rotten Fruit"
The words on this poster are an extract from a poem I wrote during second year. It was for a project I made called ‘Hard to Love’ reflecting on my feelings about relationships and my ability to be loved and to love. I still feel that the imagery in this poem accurately sums up my experience of the scary, seedy, somewhat repulsive side to opening yourself up to intimate relationships.
"Urban Gardening"
I find keeping house plants extremely grounding and it’s something that makes me feel connected to my mum’s mum who was a keen gardener. As I live in a typical city terrace with no outside space it’s also my main connecting to ‘the outdoors’. Here, I try to visually communicate some of the irony of trying to bring nature into my bedrooms via potted plants as well as using it as a metaphor for my own growth since moving to the city.
“Recipe for a Cocktail Before a First Date”
The ‘recipe’ on this poster is a real drink I made before going on the first date with my now partner. We met through a friend and this ended up having ramifications on that friendship far exceeding what I could have expected. This poster records a memory of me in my kitchen before that all happened, as well as hinting to my then reliance on alcohol to approach intimidating social situations.
"Outside Noises"
‘Outside Noises’ is an attempt to visualise the experience of hearing the world going by without you while you are indoors. During my time in Leeds I have always lived in quite lively areas. When I was spending most of my time in my bedroom I found the sounds of people and activity in these areas both comforting and distressing- a reminder that life is happening, but also a reminder I am, for whatever reason, isolated from it. During lockdown I am sure this became a more universal experience.
"No Use Crying Over Spilt Coffee"
This poster again touches on my relationship with coffee, using it as both a comfort and a substitute for sleep. It also pokes fun at the times when I have got a little too careless with my work and ended up with a few coffee stains I hadn’t bargained for.
"Bad News"
The December after I moved to Leeds to start first year a family member began having serious health problems after seeming extremely robust and healthy for all my life. This information was being drip fed to me over the phone by my mum, who, in trying to protect me, was reluctant to give me all of the details.
My mum herself has ongoing health issues and since I have been at university any news regarding these has been relayed to me via the phone. Obviously this has led to several instances of getting ‘bad news’ over the phone while in my student bedrooms, attaching bad memories to the spaces.
My mum herself has ongoing health issues and since I have been at university any news regarding these has been relayed to me via the phone. Obviously this has led to several instances of getting ‘bad news’ over the phone while in my student bedrooms, attaching bad memories to the spaces.
"I Look Out, So I Look In"
Both during lockdown and during the times when I have lived mainly out of my room I spent a lot of time looking out at the world through the window. During these times I would do a lot of thinking, most of it reflection on the events that had been happening in my life. The poster references that idea you can be taking in what is happening outside of yourself while still taking the time to reflect.
"The House Is Burning"
This imagery initially came from the reoccurring fear I have had since I was a child of being in a house fire. As an adult I struggle with feeling anxious and overwhelmed and have various health issues that impact my life. I have been reluctant to see a doctor about these and standing passively in a burning building is an analogy for this that often comes to my mind.
"Feeling Wonky"
In lockdown, more than ever, I had frequent days when I just felt ‘off. Although this is by no means limited to the time I was in lockdown. Trying to push through this and self motivate as a creative practitioner when everything feels wrong is something I find particularly challenging.
"Sex With Nobody"
Before I started university I ended a relationship I had been in since I was 15. When I moved to Leeds I was experiencing ‘dating’ as an adult for the first time in my life. I had a fairly dysfunctional relationship with myself at the time and this extended into my relationships with other people. The title of this poster references an Archy Marshall song of the same name. The song and the artist themselves are significant elements of various stories from this time but I also felt the words and imagery sum up some of the personal themes of false intimacy with others and myself during this time of my life.
"Can You Find A Friend?"
This poster is a light hearted exploration of my own long-standing insecurities around my relationships with others. It also references the relationship I have with the object’s I collect and the significance both have in my life. In lockdown myself and many others are socially isolated so this poster plays with the idea of finding ‘friends’ in the objects around you as a way to cope.
"Another Girl, Another Planet"
This poster references The Only One’s song ‘Another Girl, Another Planet’. Music has been a huge part of the development of my personal and creative style and this poster acts as a little tribute to the UK punk scene that spawned much of the DIY music that has had such a big influence on me.
"Wandering Eyes"
‘Wandering Eyes’ stems from contemplation around monogamy and my own sexuality. I find social theory around relationships and sex interesting from both an academic and personal perspective but lack the clarity to view my desires clearly. This bleeds into my relationships as I’ve never felt like I could succinctly and accurately communicate my feelings, hence the blank letter.
"Good Night's Sleep"
My struggle with getting to sleep intensified during the last few years and this poster includes some memorable imagery from my sleepless nights. The ‘I’m So Tired’ at the bottom is a reference to the Fugazi song of the same name, I listened to the album it’s from nightly for a period of about 2 months during first year, under the impression the routine would somehow help me sleep (it didn’t).
The layout is based off the labels of 7-day good luck candles which each have different designs based off their intended effects. In this instance I am feverishly hoping to have a good night’s sleep.
The layout is based off the labels of 7-day good luck candles which each have different designs based off their intended effects. In this instance I am feverishly hoping to have a good night’s sleep.
"Itchy Heart"
I worry that my ‘heart’ is both too open and naive and simultaneously too hard to satisfy. Here I tread similar ground to ‘Wandering Eyes’, looking at my fear of having an ‘itchy', restless heart and the repercussions this could have on those around me.
"Pure Suffer"
The idea of ‘Pure Suffer’ references the Frankie Cosmos’s song ‘Pure Suburb’. Like a lot of her early music this poster takes cues from a kind of teenage melodrama and romanticism. The poster represents the times when I have given in and allowed myself to wallow, this, combined with indulging in listening to sad songs has offered catharsis in difficult times. If you can’t wear your (exaggerated) heart on your sleeve in your bedroom, where can you?
"Windows"
This poster originates from the idea of creating a fictional, lavish world outside your window to deal with being confined to (or even in lockdown in) a bleak, urban environment. In a way, the recontextualising of the environments I have lived in during my time at university via this project has served a similar purpose.
"My Head Opened"
These posters reference significant memories and themes from my time at university. I haven’t thought back to, or properly digested, a lot of these things until now. Collating all of these experiences into one narrative is a first for me and it does feel like ‘spilling’ the contents of my head into a project.
"I Went to Art School and All I Got Was Worried"
When I began higher art education I started experiencing extended periods of feeling constantly anxious. At the time this work was made, when the last few months of access to facilities, studios, a physical hand in and, most regrettably, the degree show that I had been working towards, had all been withdrawn due to Covid19, it was easy to feel that the worry is ‘all’ I’ve come out with.
“And THAT’S Show Business Baby!”
For the majority of my life I have had issues sleeping and this became much more pronounced over the last 3 years. When I was spending long, sleepless, periods alone in my room cups of coffee gave structure to my day. They also left me overcaffeinated and exacerbated the anxiety and disconnect from reality that my lack of sleep was causing. This poster uses that routine to represent the monotony of spending day after day in the same room, doing the same things.
"Mushy"
When I moved to Leeds I experienced a number of alienating and difficult experiences while dating. This combined with the upheaval of moving out of the house I had grown up in and leaving my job to move to University trigged a subconscious numbing of my emotions as a defence. During first year I didn’t ‘feel’ much unless I’d had a drink, when I allowed myself to privately be ‘mushy’.
"Thank God For My Hot Water Bottle"
I have had debilitating painful periods that leave me bed-bound for days every month for at least 9 years. I also often have related pain throughout the month. Co-codamol and my hot water bottle are the most effective forms of pain relief I have, the hot water bottle being the only one out of the two that I can use on a daily basis.
"Mash and Onion Rings"
During a module in first year, I was in a particularly dysfunctional work & sleep schedule, working all day and sleeping for only 2hrs most nights to allow myself time to do the usual day to day tasks and spend time decompressing for the rest of the night. During this time the oven in my accommodation was broken so we could only cook on the hob, thus this ‘meal’ was born. To me, this meal communicates the slightly delirious and almost humorous ‘logic’ with which I was operating with at the time.
"Love Like Rotten Fruit"
The words on this poster are an extract from a poem I wrote during second year. It was for a project I made called ‘Hard to Love’ reflecting on my feelings about relationships and my ability to be loved and to love. I still feel that the imagery in this poem accurately sums up my experience of the scary, seedy, somewhat repulsive side to opening yourself up to intimate relationships.
"Urban Gardening"
I find keeping house plants extremely grounding and it’s something that makes me feel connected to my mum’s mum who was a keen gardener. As I live in a typical city terrace with no outside space it’s also my main connecting to ‘the outdoors’. Here, I try to visually communicate some of the irony of trying to bring nature into my bedrooms via potted plants as well as using it as a metaphor for my own growth since moving to the city.
“Recipe for a Cocktail Before a First Date”
The ‘recipe’ on this poster is a real drink I made before going on the first date with my now partner. We met through a friend and this ended up having ramifications on that friendship far exceeding what I could have expected. This poster records a memory of me in my kitchen before that all happened, as well as hinting to my then reliance on alcohol to approach intimidating social situations.
"Outside Noises"
‘Outside Noises’ is an attempt to visualise the experience of hearing the world going by without you while you are indoors. During my time in Leeds I have always lived in quite lively areas. When I was spending most of my time in my bedroom I found the sounds of people and activity in these areas both comforting and distressing- a reminder that life is happening, but also a reminder I am, for whatever reason, isolated from it. During lockdown I am sure this became a more universal experience.
"No Use Crying Over Spilt Coffee"
This poster again touches on my relationship with coffee, using it as both a comfort and a substitute for sleep. It also pokes fun at the times when I have got a little too careless with my work and ended up with a few coffee stains I hadn’t bargained for.
"Bad News"
The December after I moved to Leeds to start first year a family member began having serious health problems after seeming extremely robust and healthy for all my life. This information was being drip fed to me over the phone by my mum, who, in trying to protect me, was reluctant to give me all of the details.
My mum herself has ongoing health issues and since I have been at university any news regarding these has been relayed to me via the phone. Obviously this has led to several instances of getting ‘bad news’ over the phone while in my student bedrooms, attaching bad memories to the spaces.
My mum herself has ongoing health issues and since I have been at university any news regarding these has been relayed to me via the phone. Obviously this has led to several instances of getting ‘bad news’ over the phone while in my student bedrooms, attaching bad memories to the spaces.
"I Look Out, So I Look In"
Both during lockdown and during the times when I have lived mainly out of my room I spent a lot of time looking out at the world through the window. During these times I would do a lot of thinking, most of it reflection on the events that had been happening in my life. The poster references that idea you can be taking in what is happening outside of yourself while still taking the time to reflect.
"The House Is Burning"
This imagery initially came from the reoccurring fear I have had since I was a child of being in a house fire. As an adult I struggle with feeling anxious and overwhelmed and have various health issues that impact my life. I have been reluctant to see a doctor about these and standing passively in a burning building is an analogy for this that often comes to my mind.
"Feeling Wonky"
In lockdown, more than ever, I had frequent days when I just felt ‘off. Although this is by no means limited to the time I was in lockdown. Trying to push through this and self motivate as a creative practitioner when everything feels wrong is something I find particularly challenging.
"Sex With Nobody"
Before I started university I ended a relationship I had been in since I was 15. When I moved to Leeds I was experiencing ‘dating’ as an adult for the first time in my life. I had a fairly dysfunctional relationship with myself at the time and this extended into my relationships with other people. The title of this poster references an Archy Marshall song of the same name. The song and the artist themselves are significant elements of various stories from this time but I also felt the words and imagery sum up some of the personal themes of false intimacy with others and myself during this time of my life.
"Can You Find A Friend?"
This poster is a light hearted exploration of my own long-standing insecurities around my relationships with others. It also references the relationship I have with the object’s I collect and the significance both have in my life. In lockdown myself and many others are socially isolated so this poster plays with the idea of finding ‘friends’ in the objects around you as a way to cope.
"Another Girl, Another Planet"
This poster references The Only One’s song ‘Another Girl, Another Planet’. Music has been a huge part of the development of my personal and creative style and this poster acts as a little tribute to the UK punk scene that spawned much of the DIY music that has had such a big influence on me.
"Wandering Eyes"
‘Wandering Eyes’ stems from contemplation around monogamy and my own sexuality. I find social theory around relationships and sex interesting from both an academic and personal perspective but lack the clarity to view my desires clearly. This bleeds into my relationships as I’ve never felt like I could succinctly and accurately communicate my feelings, hence the blank letter.
"Good Night's Sleep"
My struggle with getting to sleep intensified during the last few years and this poster includes some memorable imagery from my sleepless nights. The ‘I’m So Tired’ at the bottom is a reference to the Fugazi song of the same name, I listened to the album it’s from nightly for a period of about 2 months during first year, under the impression the routine would somehow help me sleep (it didn’t).
The layout is based off the labels of 7-day good luck candles which each have different designs based off their intended effects. In this instance I am feverishly hoping to have a good night’s sleep.
The layout is based off the labels of 7-day good luck candles which each have different designs based off their intended effects. In this instance I am feverishly hoping to have a good night’s sleep.
"Itchy Heart"
I worry that my ‘heart’ is both too open and naive and simultaneously too hard to satisfy. Here I tread similar ground to ‘Wandering Eyes’, looking at my fear of having an ‘itchy', restless heart and the repercussions this could have on those around me.
"Pure Suffer"
The idea of ‘Pure Suffer’ references the Frankie Cosmos’s song ‘Pure Suburb’. Like a lot of her early music this poster takes cues from a kind of teenage melodrama and romanticism. The poster represents the times when I have given in and allowed myself to wallow, this, combined with indulging in listening to sad songs has offered catharsis in difficult times. If you can’t wear your (exaggerated) heart on your sleeve in your bedroom, where can you?
"Windows"
This poster originates from the idea of creating a fictional, lavish world outside your window to deal with being confined to (or even in lockdown in) a bleak, urban environment. In a way, the recontextualising of the environments I have lived in during my time at university via this project has served a similar purpose.
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